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James Bond ‘disappointed with only an MBE’

British secret agent James Bond is reported to be ‘privately a little disappointed’ that official recognition of his services to his country apparently amounts to only to an MBE. The heroic spy’s name...

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More security concerns as James Bond’s Facebook page found

Following revelations that the next head of MI6 was found to have a Facebook page, secret agent James Bond has also been found to be an active user of the site. Concerns have been raised that foreign...

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Quantum physicists blame police for death of MI6 agent

Quantum physicists have blamed the recent death of an MI6 agent found stuffed inside a large canvas bag on the investigator who opened the bag. ‘While in the bag, the agent was both alive and not alive...

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Secret Santa ‘defends freedom’

Sir Iain Lobban has responded to criticism that Government Communications Headquarters (GCHQ) has undermined democracy, freedom and gone over budget with anonymous workplace gifts. The televised Public...

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MI5 to outsource surveillance to Google

Government sources have confirmed that MI5 are set to outsource their spying activities to the world’s most popular internet search engine. ‘Google have shown that they are world leaders in this arena...

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Self-destruct buttons are ‘a needless risk’

A health and safety watchdog has condemned self-destruct buttons as ‘dangerous and completely pointless’ in a review for the government published this week. The watchdog concluded that including a...

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Richard Whiteley used Countdown to pass secret messages, says MI5 chief

The head of MI5, Andrew Parker, has confirmed claims by Ricky Tomlinson that TV presenter Richard Whitley was a secret agent running a team of operatives using codes revealed in the five times a week...

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Deadly nerve agent found in Somerset

The nerve agent used to attack former Russian spy Sergi Skripal and his daughter may have links to a substance being developed in Somerset, revealed Home Secretary Amber Rudd today. An amber liquid...

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Michael Foot spotted in Salisbury

According to reliable sources, such as MI6, Baron Munchausen and Geppetto’s son, the deceased Labour leader was seen acting ‘suspiciously dead’ in the vicinity of a recent poison attack. Despite having...

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Elderly man on park bench actually an MI6 agent

79-year-old Reginald Pike, a well-liked old man who sits on the same park bench every day and carries a bag of bread for the ducks, is actually an MI6 agent with eighty-four confirmed kills. The...

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Details about who leaked leaks leaked

A senior cabinet minister who preferred not to be named Philip Hammond at this point, has denied being the top level leaker in the Huawei leak scandal ‘As it’s clear I would never do such a thing, I...

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We need to stop Russia interfering with our interference, says MI6

Unable to find any direct evidence of Russian election tampering, the UK’s Intelligence Community said they needed extra time and resources in order to make some up.  Logically, the only way to ensure...

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Russian vaccine 92% effective when placed in underpants

The Kremlin has announced its newly developed Sputnik vaccine is 92% effective, but only when sprinkled inside your underpants by a secret agent. President Putin appeared on state news, bare-chested...

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